Sarah Bessey, a prominent Christian author, speaker, and podcaster, has captivated audiences with her candid exploration of faith, doubt, and the transformative power of self-discovery. Her journey, marked by periods of questioning and uncertainty, has resonated with many seeking a deeper understanding of God's love and grace. This article delves into Sarah Bessey's experiences, her insights on navigating the "spiritual wilderness," and her evolving perspective on faith, healing, and body image.
Embracing the Wilderness: A Season of Questioning
Bessey's path has been characterized by a willingness to confront difficult questions and challenge conventional beliefs. She describes the "wilderness" as a season of questioning and doubting that many Christians experience. During this time, individuals may find themselves wandering away from traditional faith foundations, seeking answers to complex theological and personal issues.
It was out of her own questioning and wandering that she formed Evolving Faith - an annual conference, a podcast and an online community that helps “wanderers” - just like Sarah once was - find their way back to God by breaking down Biblical truths about His character and His love for us.
Bessey recognized the need for a safe space where individuals could explore their doubts and uncertainties without judgment. This realization led her to create "Evolving Faith," a conference, podcast, and online community that provides support and guidance for those navigating their own "spiritual wilderness."
That’s what ended up being the inspiration for Field Notes for the Wilderness - Sarah’s new book that guides readers through the “spiritual wilderness,” a place where doubt and uncertainties are welcomed and a place to help readers find answers.
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Her book, "Field Notes for the Wilderness," serves as a guide for those traversing this challenging terrain, offering insights and encouragement to help them find their way.
Redefining Spiritual Formation
Bessey challenges the notion that spiritual formation is solely about "getting things right" and defending beliefs with unwavering certainty. She suggests that the wilderness experience can be an invitation from the Holy Spirit, a catalyst for deeper transformation and growth.
The wilderness is when the things that used to feel like certain answers, now feel inadequate. The answers we’ve been given aren’t adding up anymore. What if we dared to believe that this is an invitation from the Holy Spirit? What if this is actually not a slippery slope or a marker of anything other than spiritual formation? Because now, there’s a deepening that’s happening there. You’ve got to let yourself be transformed and changed.
She encourages individuals to embrace the uncertainty and allow themselves to be transformed by the experience, recognizing that doubt can be a pathway to a more authentic and meaningful faith.
Confronting Suffering and Loss: The Illusion of Control
Bessey's journey has been marked by personal experiences of suffering and loss, including miscarriages early in her marriage. These experiences challenged her understanding of God and the notion that doing everything "right" guarantees a blessed life.
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Early in my marriage, my husband and I experienced a series of miscarriages and struggled with the loss. I had a moment where I was like, “I did everything right. I did everything the way that they said I should do it. I made every mark.” Yet, I still found myself laying on the floor crying so hard that my ears filled up with tears. So, I thought now what? What is the point of prayer? What is the point of God? What does it look like to be faithful when you’re hurting and your heart is broken? Everything I thought I knew about God has just disappeared, like steam on a mirror after a shower when you open the door. It was just gone. So that rebuilding process took years for me. And it was very slow and it was sloppy. I made a million mistakes. But at the same time, all those things brought me where I am now.
These trials led her to question the point of prayer and the nature of God, prompting a slow and often painful rebuilding process. Through her experiences, Bessey gained a deeper understanding of God's faithfulness, even amidst doubt and uncertainty.
Discovering Unconditional Love
One of the most significant revelations for Bessey was the realization of God's profound and unconditional love. This understanding was deepened through her experience as a mother, leading her to recognize the fierce, constant, and never-ending love that God has for each of us.
When I began to see my actual, real, ordinary walking-around, everyday life as a place that God was at work. But when I realized that so much of what the Holy Spirit was up to in my life and what God was doing was erasing and tearing down every boundary I had drawn between my everyday life and the place where God dwells. So for me, one of the invitations that we have from God is to notice all the ways that He is hiding in plain sight in our life right now. There’s not only one spot where God will meet with you. We construct all these little boxes, categories and names for God - and instead, I would love for people to develop an openness to all the ways that God is already speaking. Not just Sunday at church, not just when you get it all together, not when you get out of debt, not when you meet a certain health goal, not when you get your kids raised, not when you make a career… But, right now. God is loving you and showing you something amazing. I would love us to have our antenna up, and notice that.
She emphasizes that God's love is not contingent upon our actions or achievements but is a constant presence in our lives, offering acceptance, inclusion, and joy.
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Healing and Belonging: Embracing Imperfection
Bessey's journey has also involved a process of healing and self-acceptance. She encourages others to be kind and patient with themselves, recognizing that the wilderness can be a time of fear and uncertainty. She underscores that it's important to talk about things like healing and belonging.
There can be a lot of fear, and what I wanted to do with Field Notes for the Wilderness was to help this be a less fearful season. What does it look like to trust in the goodness, the welcome, the inclusion, the acceptance and constancy of God? What does it look like to be kind and patient - even towards yourself? What does it look like to actually talk about things like healing and belonging?
She emphasizes that God's love is always available, offering flourishing, abundance, and joy. On the other side of the wilderness, individuals can discover the gifts that the experience has to offer, along with a deeper understanding of God's love and the capacity for joy.
Navigating Body Image and Chronic Illness: A Personal Reflection
In a candid and vulnerable discussion, Bessey addresses the questions and commentary surrounding her body image and health. She acknowledges that people have always commented on her body, often using it as a talking point or example. While she has mostly made peace with this, she recognizes that her appearance has changed over the past year, leading to renewed curiosity and speculation.
Bessey clarifies that there is no "big secret" or "scary deal" behind her changing appearance. Instead, she describes it as a personal journey of healing in her relationship with her body, soul, trauma, and mind, as well as learning to manage chronic illness in a way that makes sense for her.
The Impact of a Car Accident
Bessey reveals that a car accident several years ago had a significant impact on her health and well-being. The accident led to a slow burn of grief, with losses accumulating over time.
A number of years ago, I had a bad car accident and it was just one of those ones that was a slow burn of grief, right? Where it was just loss after loss after loss after loss. And so where it resolved was, you know, how do you hold still the possibility for miracles, for healing the way that I had been taught to understand it? While also leaning into healing, that looks very different than that. And also leaning into there is there is not healing here that this is this is simply what your reality is. Losing income. Losing mobility. Losing my health. Losing the picture of the kind of mom that I once was and that I’m not anymore, that my older kids have memories of me being one way and my younger kids will not remember that mom.
She experienced loss of income, mobility, and health, as well as a shift in her identity as a mother. The accident forced her to confront the possibility that her reality might be permanently changed, requiring her to redefine her understanding of healing and embrace a new way of living.
Redefining Identity and Achievement
Bessey reflects on how the accident shifted her perspective, particularly as someone who came of age in an evangelical environment that often emphasized achievement and success. She acknowledges the pressure to be a "shining star for Jesus" and the challenges of reconciling that image with her physical limitations.
It does shift you. Right. It does shift not only how you view yourself. I mean, especially I think as someone who came of age in that evangelical hero complex. It’s like, look at how much I can achieve. Look how like the shining stars for Jesus.
The accident forced her to confront her limitations and redefine her sense of self-worth, moving away from external achievements and towards a deeper understanding of her inherent value as a person.
Embracing Fragility and Finding God's Home
Bessey shares a poignant moment when she confessed to her husband, "Yeah, but what if it's always like this?" This realization marked a turning point in her journey, as she began to accept the possibility of living with chronic pain and limitations.
Sarah, you’ve been so good to me about that, because whenever I just feel like a bag of meat, you’re really good at saying like. Yes, but that is also God’s home. That’s like all that was like a really thick line you’ve helped smudge a bit for me whenever I wanted to just be so frustrated at my own body.
She emphasizes the importance of recognizing that our bodies, even in their fragility and imperfection, are "God's home." This perspective allows for a greater sense of self-acceptance and appreciation for the sacredness of the embodied experience.