Kesha's story is one of transformation, resilience, and the ongoing pursuit of self-acceptance. From her early days as a glittery pop sensation to her current role as an advocate for mental and physical health, Kesha has navigated numerous challenges, including legal battles, eating disorders, and a recent diagnosis of a rare immune deficiency. This article explores Kesha's journey, focusing on her struggles, triumphs, and her evolving perspective on life, health, and self-image.
Early Career and the "Live Free" Persona
Kesha burst onto the music scene with a vibrant, unapologetically fun persona. Her music encouraged listeners to embrace their wild side, get "sleazy," and "live free." She created a safe space at her shows for people to be exactly who they wanted to be. This image, while authentic to a part of her personality, eventually became a gilded cage.
"My fans came to me for joy, and I didn’t want to disappoint them," she explains. She tapped into enjoying herself and doing "silly, fun shit," inviting people to join her. While she stands by having a safe place at her shows, the glitzy, feral charisma bomb is only a part of who Kesha is.
Facing Internal Battles: Self-Image and External Judgments
At 36, Kesha began to grapple with deeper issues, particularly those surrounding her self-image. Having lived in the public eye since she was 22, she had been subjected to constant scrutiny and judgment. "I’ve had people dissect every part of me. And it can be embarrassing. It can be crazy-making," Kesha says.
The pandemic provided an unexpected opportunity for introspection. Spending more time at home, Kesha was forced to confront feelings she had long avoided. One of her new songs, "Living in My Head," captures the anxiety she internalized over the years, written during a panic attack.
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With her new album, Gag Order, Kesha wanted to dislodge the anxiety she felt about being inspected so closely for so long and to take ownership over what she wants people to see when they do look at her. "With this album, it was the first time I shed real light on subjects that, previously, I was too nervous to. I didn’t want to bring people down-I really like to make people move their energy and dance and be happy," she says. "But I was doing myself a disservice as an artist to just placate what I felt like people wanted from me. I had to shed light on the darker sides of what happens in my mind. This was me saying, 'Yeah, I’ve had this self-imposed, implied gag order since I can remember, ’cause I’m still in litigation.'"
The Ongoing Legal Battle with Dr. Luke
A significant part of Kesha's journey has been her protracted legal battle with her former producer, Dr. Luke (Lukasz Sebastian Gottwald). In 2014, Kesha filed a suit against him alleging sexual assault and battery and sexual harassment, among other charges. Dr. Luke has publicly denied all sexual assault and harassment charges against Kesha and filed a countersuit for breach of contract and defamation, and they’ve been embroiled in litigation since.
In 2016, a judge denied Kesha’s request to be released from her Kemosabe contract, citing “no showing of irreparable harm” to Kesha’s career. This means Gag Order, a record that squares with the limitations she endures related to these circumstances, is itself a Kemosabe product: Because of the way her contract was structured, Dr. Luke will profit from the songs Kesha wrote about her pain. His defamation suit against Kesha is scheduled to go to trial in July.
This legal entanglement has acted as a "gag order," limiting what she can publicly say about the situation. However, she strives to be more forthright about what she’s going through, rather than trying to keep things hyper-positive for others’ sake. On “Fine Line,” she sings, “All the doctors and lawyers cut the tongue out of my mouth.”
Embracing Anger and Finding Healthy Outlets
One of the most significant shifts in Kesha's journey has been her willingness to embrace and express her anger. "I’ve never, ever been in touch with my anger, and my acupuncturist told me, ‘You need to go on a mountain and scream.’" Initially hesitant, she followed the advice and was surprised to discover the depth of her suppressed rage.
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She realized she needed healthy ways to regularly release the pressure valve on all the rage that had mounted inside of her. Sometimes, that looks like practicing ninjutsu, a stealth-focused martial art developed in feudal Japan as a warfare strategy. Sometimes, it means tapping into and reclaiming the Kesha we met back when she spelled her name with a dollar sign: “There are still moments when I absolutely want to slap a bunch of wild makeup on, put a wig on, put the heels on, and throw a cape on. It’s fun," she says, laughing.
A Health Crisis: Diagnosis of CVID and a Near-Death Experience
In 2022, Kesha received a diagnosis that added another layer to her health journey: common variable immunodeficiency (CVID). This primary immunodeficiency disease puts her at an especially high risk of developing recurrent, and potentially serious, infections. She’s kept this news private until now out of fear it would attract negative attention. "I just never wanted to be the whiny, privileged girl," she says. "Also, my image had been that of going out and having fun.”
CVID is a lifelong condition that affects one in 25,000 to 50,000 people globally. Its causes aren’t well understood in a majority of cases, but it’s believed to stem from both genetic and environmental elements-so, mutations that affect cells in the immune system or external factors a person encounters in their life (though it’s not yet scientifically clear what, specifically, those are). In an estimated 25% of cases, like Kesha’s, CVID is associated with autoimmune issues, in which the immune system mistakenly attacks healthy parts of the body while trying to protect it. This can trigger a host of other challenges, including symptoms like sluggishness and digestive problems as well as larger complications, like constant respiratory infections that can lead to other chronic conditions, like lung disease.
Initially, Kesha sought medical care because she felt alarmingly fatigued and run-down on a daily basis, which she assumed was a consequence of overextending herself. “When you’re lucky enough to have a song that catches on, you’re just trying to keep up. I had a really hard time saying no to interviews or photo shoots because I didn’t want to let my one chance fall away by not being able to fulfill every request. It led to severe exhaustion physically and mentally,” Kesha says. Though she obviously knew she wasn’t feeling well, most people with CVID don’t receive a diagnosis until their 20s or 30s-the disease is extremely varied in how, and how severely, its symptoms present over the course of someone’s life.
Last year, she froze her eggs and a few weeks later performed a New Year’s Eve concert in the Bahamas. After the show, she found she was too weak to walk. She went to the hospital, where doctors discovered that she had developed a rare and serious complication from the fertility procedure, which they attributed, in part, to her weakened immune system. She was in the hospital for nine days. “I finally feel recovered, but it took a couple [of] months,” she said.
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This experience brought her face-to-face with her mortality and underscored the importance of prioritizing her health.
Prioritizing Health: Sleep, Recovery from Bulimia, and Mental Wellness
To preserve her health, Kesha had to do away with her yearslong practice of saying yes to everything and everyone. Instead, she’s decided to change course and try something novel: rest. “I learned after my diagnosis that sleep is the most important thing. I took that for granted for, God, about 29, 30 years. I feel like I’m just playing catch-up on my teens and twenties, still. But I try to get as much sleep as possible, and I have to protect that fiercely,” Kesha says, adding that she schedules it as a nonnegotiable part of her daily agenda on tour.
Kesha is also in ongoing recovery for bulimia, which began with a two-month inpatient rehab stay in 2014. Thinking back to her decision to seek treatment, she says, “I had a particular moment with my eating disorder when the anxiety just got so high that I was not functioning. It was taking up so much of my brain space, from morning to night. I was obsessed with what I looked like, what went in my mouth, what size things were, and people’s approval.”
In her 2014 legal filing, Kesha alleged that Dr. Luke “cruelly and incessantly criticized” her weight. Luke wrote to Kesha’s then manager, “We all get concerned when she is breaking her diet plan… We have seen it happen multiple times…almost every day. It is also double concerning when the A list songwriters and producers are reluctant to give Kesha their songs because of her weight.”
Kesha has a support system in place [of therapists] that she speaks to weekly or monthly. Kesha also said she is now enjoying food for the first time. “I love food. I started cooking, and I go to the farmers market.” When she’s on tour, Kesha maintains a diet routine that ensures she doesn’t lose sight of her health. “I always have three meal breaks, ’cause being in recovery, I need to have time to sit and have a meal,” Kesha says. “I have about 30 minutes before I go on stage where I meditate, stretch, and do breathing exercises. People probably think I’m back there doing shots, and [my routine is] the most zen shit you’ve ever seen.”
Speaking Out Against Body Shaming and Promoting Self-Acceptance
Kesha has become an outspoken advocate against body shaming, drawing from her own experiences with disordered eating and public scrutiny. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing that mental health struggles are often invisible and that commenting on someone's weight can be harmful, regardless of whether the intention is positive or negative.
She shared the sick irony of receiving praise for weight loss during her lowest points, highlighting the dangerous message this sends. She has also spoken out against unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated by social media and the media's tendency to promote an airbrushed version of reality.
In 2018, Kesha shared, “I’m not a size. I’m not a number,” she continued. “I am a strong, badass, mother--king woman, and quite frankly, I like my junk."
Protecting Personal Life and Valuing Chosen Family
Despite her openness about her health and struggles, Kesha remains protective of her personal life. She declined to name her boyfriend in an interview, emphasizing that family can mean many different things to everyone. "My family right now are the people I spend time with, and my actual family, and also my band, my friends, and my cats," she says.