Unlock the Secret to a Balanced Life: Essential Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship with Food

In a world saturated with diet culture and restrictive eating plans, developing a healthy relationship with food is essential for overall well-being. This article explores how to cultivate a positive and sustainable approach to eating, moving away from guilt and restriction towards mindful enjoyment and body acceptance.

Understanding the Foundations of a Healthy Relationship with Food

A good relationship with food has little to do with the quality of your diet or the types of food you eat, but rather how and why you choose the foods you eat. Unlike animals that eat solely for survival, humans eat for a variety of reasons, such as joy, pleasure, culture, tradition, socialization, and to fuel their bodies. When you start to appreciate food as more than just a fuel source, you can begin to see value in it and develop a healthier relationship.

Before you can work toward a good relationship with food, it’s important to pinpoint the signs and symptoms of a bad relationship with food:

You feel guilty about eating.
You avoid or restrict foods that are “bad” for you.
You have developed a long list of rules surrounding the foods you can and cannot eat.
You rely on calorie counters or apps to tell you when you’re done eating for the day.
You ignore your body’s natural hunger cues.
You have a history of yo-yo dieting or following the latest diet fads.
You feel immense stress and anxiety when eating in social settings due to fear of what others may think of your food choices.
You find yourself restricting and/or binging food.

Yet, the telltale sign that your relationship with food could be improved is if you feel any type of shame, guilt, stress, or fear regarding the foods you eat. It’s also important to realize that your relationship with food may be transient. Sometimes you may eat with complete freedom and have no remorse for the foods you eat (this is great), but other times you may feel guilty after eating certain foods (this is not great, but normal). The goal of a good relationship with food is to have more positive experiences with food than negative ones. Showing patience and kindness toward yourself is paramount.

Key Components of a Positive Relationship with Food

Signs of a good relationship with food include:

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You give yourself unconditional permission to eat the foods you enjoy.
You listen and respect your body’s natural hunger cues.
You eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full.
No foods are off-limits.
You don’t obsess over the number on the scale.
You don’t let the opinions of others dictate which foods you eat.
You don’t feel the need to justify your food choices.
You understand that you’re not defined by the foods you eat.
You enjoy all food in moderation.
You choose foods that make you feel your best.
Calories are not the focus of your food choices.

Practical Tips for Cultivating a Healthy Relationship with Food

It’s one thing to hope for change - and it’s another to actively try to make change happen. First, remember that you’re your own person. You have your own history with food, your own food preferences, and every right to navigate this journey in a way that suits you. That said, below are some helpful tips.

1. Give Yourself Unconditional Permission to Eat

One sign of a good and healthy relationship with food is allowing yourself unconditional permission to eat. When you create rules around when you can and can’t eat, you’re setting yourself up for hunger, feelings of deprivation, and fear of food. Whether you overeat at lunch or have a few extra cookies for dessert, you still deserve to eat when you’re hungry or want to. Your body deserves food no matter the day or situation.

2. Honor Your Hunger Cues

Every person is born with the natural ability to regulate their hunger. You can see this with children, who can easily tell when they’re hungry or full. Although, as people age, they begin to lose this ability for a number of reasons. Despite your parents’ best efforts, how often did they tell you to clean your plate? While their intentions were good, this told you as a child to ignore signs that you were full and eat until other stimuli (e.g., a clean plate) told you that you were done (1). Along with this, diet culture has taught people to rely on an arbitrary number of calories to tell them when they’re done eating for the day instead of eating until they’re satisfied. Still, the closer you can get back to listening to your natural hunger cues, the better you can regulate your appetite and manage your food intake (1, 2).

3. Practice Mindful Eating

Mindful eating has become the cornerstone of fixing a bad relationship with food. It involves eating in the moment and being fully present for the eating experience (3). When you eat mindfully, you’re eating free of other distractions, such as your phone, the TV, a book, etc. Rather, you take time to make gentle observations, such as the taste and texture of the food, how your hunger and fullness cues change, and your enjoyment of the food. Learning to slow down and savor the food you’re eating can help you learn which foods you genuinely enjoy and also become more in tune with your body’s natural hunger and fullness regulation.

What’s more, it can help you identify the reasons for your food choices. Are you eating because you’re starving and will eat anything in sight? Do you want to eat the food because you think it’ll make you feel better emotionally or physically?

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While you eat, try to answer some of these questions:

What flavor and texture am I noticing right now? Do I enjoy it? Am I only eating it because it’s available, or because I really wanted it?
Does this food hit the spot? Does it satisfy the craving I’m having?
Has this food solved a problem like I may have thought it would?
How is this food changing my appetite? Do I notice my hunger going away?
How do I emotionally feel while I eat this? Does it bring me joy, guilt, anger?
Was I actually hungry? If not, why did I decide to eat (e.g., emotional eating, cravings, boredom)?

Some of these questions might be difficult and hard to address. Writing your thoughts down in a journal may be helpful. The key is to answer these questions without judgment and instead with a curious mind. Over time, these observations can help you identify the reasons for your food choices and whether other healthy coping mechanisms may be warranted.

4. Welcome All Foods in Your Diet

Ascribing a food as “bad” gives it unnecessary power. Indeed, certain foods are more nutritious than others and contribute to improved health. Still, eating a single food isn’t going to miraculously affect your health in any way either. When you label a food as “bad,” you automatically put it on a pedestal. Usually, people call foods “bad” when they taste good and aren’t very nutritious (e.g., high in sugar, fat, salt). Yet, as soon as you tell yourself you can’t have something, the more you’ll crave and want it.

A research study demonstrated this phenomenon. A group of self-proclaimed restrictive dieters and non-dieters were given a milkshake and then put into private rooms where they could have as many cookies as they wanted (4). Interestingly, non-dieters were much better at regulating their intake and stopped when they felt satisfied, while the dieters ate significantly more cookies. This was attributed to a process known as “counter-regulation” (4). Essentially, the dieters felt that since the milkshake already “broke” the rules of their restrictive diet, they might as well overeat the cookies (4).

When you allow all foods into your diet, you’re better able to control your intake, as you know these foods are always available. However, when you restrict foods and believe they’re a rarity, you’re much more likely to overdo it and subsequently enter an endless cycle of guilt. Contrary to popular belief, it’s quite rare that you’ll always want cookies or cake. When you allow all foods into your diet, you’ll notice that your cravings for certain foods start to diminish (5, 6). This phenomenon is called habituation. It states the greater exposure you have to a food or flavor, the less interesting and appealing it becomes (6). So start viewing all foods as equal, with no food being better or worse than another. When you stop viewing foods as “good” or “bad,” you remove the food’s power. Over time, you won’t feel the need to overeat it when it’s around.

5. Mind Your Plate

Imagine a life in which you don’t have to justify your food choices to yourself or anyone else. Most people are constantly giving themselves or other people an explanation for their food choices. For example, “I’m eating ice cream because I had a bad day” or “I have to have a salad for dinner because I didn’t have time to exercise.” Instead of giving a reason for your food choices, allow yourself to eat food that you feel is best for you at that very moment.

Embracing Intuitive Eating: A Path to Food Freedom

In a world bombarded with diet culture and restrictive eating plans, intuitive eating stands out as a refreshing approach to nourishing our bodies and embracing a positive relationship with food. It encourages us to reconnect with our natural hunger and fullness cues, listen to our bodies, and honor our individual needs.

Intuitive eating is a non-diet approach that focuses on cultivating a mindful and intuitive connection with our bodies, while rejecting the traditional diet mentality. It emphasizes self-care, body acceptance, and the belief that all foods can be enjoyed in moderation. This approach helps us build a healthy relationship with food and recognize the difference between physical hunger and emotional cravings.

The 9 Principles of Intuitive Eating

Reject the diet mentality: Let go of the notion that diets are the solution to achieving happiness and self-worth. Instead, embrace the concept of body acceptance and trust your body’s signals.
Honor your hunger: Listen to your body’s cues and eat when you feel physical hunger. Avoid strict meal plans or skipping meals.
Make peace with food: Give yourself unconditional permission to eat all types of food. By removing the guilt associated with certain foods, you can regain control over your eating habits.
Challenge the food police: Challenge the internalized rules around what is “good” or “bad” when it comes to food. Cultivate a compassionate and non-judgmental mindset.
Discover satisfaction: Pay attention to the flavors, textures, and enjoyment of your meals. Savor the experience and find pleasure in eating.
Respect your fullness: Recognize when you’re comfortably full and stop eating. Tune in to your body’s signals of satisfaction and avoid overeating.
Honor your emotions without using food: Find alternative ways to cope with emotions, such as journaling, exercise, or seeking support from friends and loved ones.
Respect your body: Cultivate self-acceptance and appreciate your body for its unique strengths and qualities. Prioritize self-care and engage in activities that promote overall well-being.
Movement as joy: Engage in physical activities that bring you joy and make you feel good, rather than viewing exercise as a means to burn calories or achieve a specific body shape.

Benefits of Intuitive Eating

Improved relationship with food: Intuitive eating allows you to break free from the cycle of restriction and binge eating, fostering a healthier and more balanced relationship with food.
Enhanced body acceptance: By embracing your body and honoring its needs, you can develop a more positive body image and improve self-esteem.
Sustainable weight management: Intuitive eating focuses on overall well-being rather than weight loss. By prioritizing health and self-care, you can achieve a weight that is natural and sustainable for your body.
Mental and emotional well-being: Intuitive eating promotes mindfulness and self-awareness, reducing anxiety and guilt associated with food choices.
Freedom from food rules: Intuitive eating liberates you from strict dieting rules and allows you to enjoy a wide variety of foods without feeling deprived.

Addressing Disordered Eating and Seeking Professional Help

Unhealthy relationships with food are becoming the norm rather than the exception these days, Banks says. An unhealthy relationship with food is often self-defined, Banks explains. “You recognize that something is off with the way you feel about food,” she says. “It may bring up an unhappy feeling, guilt, shame or negative emotions.” You may find yourself meal-planning down to the ingredient, limiting where you dine out, critically tracking everything you consume. Disordered eating is much broader, but the key indicator is that your eating habits have become disruptive to everyday life or harmful to your physical and mental health. “It’s something abnormal that occurs on a regular basis with potential to become dangerous,” Banks says.

Your relationship with food is complex and can’t always be solved on your own. Getting professional support and guidance can help you transform your relationship with food and overall health. Fortunately, there are many highly qualified dietitians, therapists, and other healthcare providers that you can work with to identify your deep-rooted history with food and provide tips to help you navigate it. Seeking professional help from a dietitian or therapist may help you navigate your relationship with food and find solutions.

The Importance of Balance, Flexibility and Relaxed Eating

Forming a healthy relationship with food takes conscious effort, but it is possible. This relationship includes relaxed eating, choosing preferences over positions, and practicing balance and flexibility in your eating. “Relaxed eating is the ability to be at ease with the social, emotional and physical components of food and eating. Relaxed eating is attuned to the body’s hungers and intuitively provides for its needs. It is the ability to listen and satisfy your hunger allowing for pleasurable and whimsical eating with flexibility and the absence of remorse. It allows you to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are satisfied. It affords you the choice of eating more or less or differently than usual without judgement, punishment or the need to compensate. It incorporates choices and beliefs about food through a filter of self-love and body wellness that is balanced, not extreme or all consuming. Relaxed eating responds to changes in your routine, your moods, and your physical demands with compassion and ease. It is an extension of self-care and body acceptance.

In the world of food, balance pertains to many aspects of eating. For one, it means feeling comfortable consuming a wide variety of foods, including all food groups. In order to fulfill your body’s nutritional needs, you need to consume adequate portions of protein, fats, and carbohydrates. Some or all of these macronutrients are present in every food group, so there is no biological or chemical need to cut any group out (unless instructed by a doctor). In addition to variation in type of food, balance indicates an ability to eat both for pleasure and for hunger. Both types of eating are extremely important for your health. Eating for hunger is great because it nourishes your body and helps keep things running the way they should be. Ignoring hunger cues is a dangerous habit that can lead to more disordered eating patterns and health consequences. Eating for pleasure is just as important as eating for hunger because, well, it’s pleasurable! Some foods just taste good. Some foods simply make us happy. Those are valid enough reasons to eat them on their own. Food does not exist only to power our bodies.

Flexibility is another key aspect of a healthy relationship with food. It refers to the absence of strict rules surrounding eating and food habits. Rather, there is more of an ability to “go with the flow” and accept deviations from preferred foods as a natural part of life, instead of viewing those deviations as a judgment of yourself or your worth. For example, we too often deem certain foods “good” and “clean” while demonizing others as “bad” or “junk.” These quick labels let us feel in control of what we’re consuming. But in reality, they don’t mean much at all. They are constructs that serve no health purpose, and instead only make people feel poorly for certain food choices and proud of others. Most days include a mix of stereotypically “healthy” and “unhealthy” foods, and that is okay. This flexibility extends into all aspects of life. What if your partner takes you to a restaurant but they don’t serve the “clean” option you feel you need? Or what if your family is at a baseball game and the stadium only serves specific “junk” foods? You can’t just leave the date or not eat lunch. Those are times when it becomes necessary to let go of obsessive labels and live in the moment with your food. It’s important to give yourself the freedom and flexibility to make unplanned food choices that may not have been your #1 preference. Instead of taking you out of the moment to a place of unhealthy thoughts, being spontaneous with these choices allows you to remain present anytime your preferred food options aren’t available. Besides, no single food item will change anything about your health or weight.

Mindful Eating: A Path to a Healthier You

Many people set goals like exercising more or eating healthier. But have you ever thought about mindful eating? Mindful eating is not as common as other goals, but it is a powerful habit that can improve your relationship with food-and yourself. Mindful eating is not about dieting or counting calories. It is about being present while you eat. By paying attention to your food, you can enjoy its taste and understand how it affects your body. Mindful eating helps you slow down and notice your body’s hunger and fullness signals. This can help you avoid overeating and give you more control over what you eat.

The Benefits of Mindful Eating

Better Digestion: Eating slowly gives your body time to break down food properly. This can reduce bloating and other stomach problems. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention also says mindful eating helps you eat the right amount of food.
Healthier Weight: Paying attention to hunger and fullness signals makes it easier to avoid overeating. This natural approach helps manage weight without strict dieting or calorie counting.
Less Emotional Eating: Do you eat when you are bored or stressed? Mindful eating helps you recognize these habits so you can replace them with healthier ways to deal with emotions. According to NC State Extension, mindfulness can lower stress-related eating.
More Enjoyment: Mindful eating helps you focus on the flavors, colors, and smells of your food, making meals more enjoyable.

How to Practice Mindful Eating

Start practicing mindful eating by making small changes to your routine:

Turn Off Distractions: Avoid watching television or scrolling on your phone. Focus on your food instead.
Eat Slowly: Take smaller bites and chew your food well. This helps your brain notice when you are full.
Pay Attention to Hunger: Before eating, ask yourself if you are truly hungry. If not, find another way to cope with boredom or stress.
Appreciate Your Food: Take a moment to think about where your food comes from and how it helps your body.
Start with One Meal: You do not have to eat mindfully at every meal. Start with one meal a day and build from there.

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