Tommy Tomlinson's journey is more than just a weight loss story; it's a candid exploration of the complex relationship between food, culture, and personal identity in America. At nearly 50 years old, Tomlinson faced a stark reality: weighing 460 pounds put him at severe risk for life-threatening diseases. His memoir, "The Elephant in the Room," chronicles his journey toward better health, offering insights into the struggles of millions grappling with weight, body image, and unhealthy relationships with food.
The Starting Point: A Confession and a Crisis
"I weigh 460 pounds," Tomlinson confesses, a statement he describes as the hardest he's ever had to write. This number, kept secret from even his closest confidants, felt like admitting to a crime. This was Tomlinson four years ago. The average American male weighs about 195 pounds; he was essentially "two of those guys, with a 10-year-old left over."
Tomlinson's weight had been a lifelong battle, with early attempts at dieting beginning in his preteens. However, these efforts proved unsustainable. A pivotal moment arrived with the death of his sister, Brenda Williams, on Christmas Eve 2014. Her death, resulting from complications related to her weight, served as a stark warning and a catalyst for change. "I went to her funeral and I could see my future," he writes. "I was 50 years old when she died, and guys like me don't make it to 60."
Unpacking the "Why": Family, Culture, and Emotional Eating
For Tomlinson, losing weight wasn't just about calories in versus calories out; it was about understanding the "why" behind his eating habits. He delved into his family history and Southern upbringing to understand his relationship with food. Growing up poor in the Deep South, food was more than just sustenance; it was a symbol of love and connection.
"The cooks among my Southern families could turn cheap ingredients and a little bacon grease into these astonishing meals," Tomlinson reflects. "We were the richest people in town when we sat down at the dinner table." This association of food with love and comfort became deeply ingrained, leading to emotional eating and a constant craving for the "emotional high" that food provided.
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Tomlinson recognized that he was "almost never hungry in the physical sense" but was "always craving an emotional high, the kind that comes from making love, or being in the crowd for great live music, or watching the sun come up over the ocean." Food was a readily available source of comfort, a way to soothe pain and prolong it simultaneously.
The Practical Steps: A Sustainable Approach
Since his sister's death, he's found success in what he called a three-step program:
- Tracking Calories Burned: He uses a Fitbit to monitor his physical activity and calorie expenditure.
- Meticulous Calorie Counting: He carefully tracks his daily calorie intake.
- Focus on Sustainability: Tommy Tomlinson says he’s been successful losing weight because he chose a method that was sustainable for him.
This approach, while simple in concept, requires consistent effort and self-awareness. "If I burn more than I bring in, eventually I'm bound to lose weight," he explains. "It's not a plan that's going to transform me overnight. It's very slow and steady and, you know, I'm still a big guy." But, he said, it's a plan he can live with. "I think that's the key to any long-term success. Losing weight is figuring out something you can live with."
A big part of his success was finally kicking a fast-food addiction he’d had for years.
Overcoming Obstacles: The Challenges of Dieting and the Body's Defenses
Tomlinson acknowledges the numerous obstacles that dieters face, including the constant barrage of marketing promoting unhealthy foods, a culture that has turned food into a vice, and the influence of family and friends who encourage overeating.
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He also highlights the body's natural defenses against weight loss. "Nutritional studies have shown that hunger-suppressing hormones in our bodies dwindle when we lose weight," he writes. "Other hormones-the ones that warn us we need to eat-tend to rise." This biological response makes it harder to lose weight and easier to regain it, a phenomenon known as "yo-yo dieting."
Research shows that losing weight can set off a lifelong battle against regaining it. Some estimates show that as many as 90 percent of dieters who lose weight eventually gain it back. "What happens on almost all of these diets - not just for me but for other people - is that they're really effective in the short-term, but then once you've gone through the crash period, there's the rebound, what they call yo-yo dieting," Tomlinson said. That's because the body is wired to respond to calorie restriction as a symptom of starvation, and kicks into survival mode - the appetite increases and metabolism slows, making it harder to lose weight.
The Mental Game: Addressing Fears and Embracing Change
As Tomlinson embarked on his weight loss journey, he grappled with the fear of changing his personality. "I've always been overweight, and so a little part of me, irrationally probably, worries … about a baby-in-the-bathwater situation," he confessed. "As I lose all this weight and transform myself physically, do I also become a different person? Am I going to become a jerk because of what I've had to do to lose all that weight?"
However, his wife assured him that his weight loss had the opposite effect, making him "much more lighthearted than I used to be." He realized that the "cloud following me around all the time" had lifted, allowing him to experience life with greater joy and ease. Since Tomlinson has lost weight, Felsing says that her husband sleeps better at night, and his stamina has improved.
Navigating a "Fat America": Societal Costs and Personal Struggles
Tomlinson sheds light on the societal costs of obesity, noting that Americans spend billions annually on medical expenses related to obesity. "Fat America comes with a devastating bill," Tomlinson writes. "According to government estimates, Americans pay $147 billion a year in medical costs related to obesity," Tomlinson writes. "Every fat person, and every fat person's family, pays with anger and heartache and pain. Early death is also a daily concern."
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He also describes the everyday challenges of living in a body that doesn't fit into a world designed for smaller people. On subway rides, he feared losing his grip and crushing a passenger. When traveling to unfamiliar places, he scouted out safe places to sit. Stairs also present a challenge. After getting off the subway, Tomlinson writes, "I climb the stairs to the street and step to the side to catch my breath. I'm wheezing like a 30-year smoker."
Tomlinson describes his body as "a car wreck," riddled with "long, mole-like growths caused by chafing" and "more stretch marks than a mother of five." His stomach hangs below his waist, and his calves and shins are "rust-colored and shiny from a condition called chronic venous insufficiency," which stems from the veins in his legs not being strong enough to move blood back to his heart. "The veins are failing because of the pressure caused by 460 pounds pushing downward with every step I take.
"The Elephant in the Room": A Metaphor for Hidden Truths
The title of Tomlinson's memoir, "The Elephant in the Room," is a powerful metaphor for the hidden truths and unspoken anxieties surrounding weight and body image. It represents the uncomfortable reality that many people try to ignore or deny.
For Tomlinson, the elephant in the room was his own weight, a secret he carried for years. By confronting this truth and sharing his story, he hopes to inspire others to do the same. "I hope people will see echoes in the book of whatever their own struggles are," she continues. "I hope people will hear an empathetic voice in the book and realize they are not alone.
Gender and Weight Loss: Challenging Societal Norms
In an interview, Tomlinson discussed the gendered aspects of weight loss, noting that women have historically faced greater pressure to conform to societal beauty standards. While men may experience some advantages in terms of body image, Tomlinson acknowledges that he may have missed opportunities due to his weight.
He also observes that the diet industry has increasingly targeted men with "masculine" diets like the Paleo Diet and the Military Diet. This reflects a savvy marketing strategy to appeal to men who may feel that traditional dieting is "feminine."
The Power of Honesty and Connection
Tomlinson's writing is characterized by its honesty, vulnerability, and humor. He doesn't shy away from difficult emotions or uncomfortable truths. His willingness to share his personal struggles has resonated with readers, creating a sense of connection and empathy.
"Tomlinson’s honesty sometimes borders on brutality as he strips his soul naked," one reviewer writes. "However, there is no self-pity here or blaming others, and he peppers the text with a lot of well-placed humor."
A Work in Progress: The Journey Continues
As he writes near the end of the book, Tomlinson’s ultimate goal is to weigh 230 - half his original weight. Understandably, he gained a bit of weight back during that time, but he’s already lost it. It has been a rocky last year or so, but I feel like I’m back on top of things.
Tomlinson acknowledges that his weight loss journey is a work in progress. He still faces challenges and setbacks. Losing weight and keeping it off "feels sustainable" for the first time in his life. Tomlinson writes that, while he still has more weight to lose, he's looking forward to being slimmer, and healthier. He has a stack of clothes that don't fit that he wants to wear. He wants to be able to climb the ladder to the attic in his house that's only rated at 250 pounds.