Mae Whitman, known for her roles in Parenthood, The DUFF, and Arrested Development, has navigated the complexities of Hollywood while grappling with personal health challenges. Her story is one of resilience, self-discovery, and advocacy, inspiring others to embrace their authentic selves.
Early Career and Typecasting
Whitman began her career at a young age, debuting in 1994's When a Man Loves a Woman. She appeared in movies like Independence Day and Hope Floats. Despite finding success early on, she found herself often typecast as the "quirky, misfit girl." She explained, "I often get typecast as a quirky, misfit girl-the friend you don't really hear the story of. So I was excited to see that girl's story here because I think it's the coolest role a lot of the time. It was interesting to get to glorify anyone who's ever felt like a misfit."
Whitman credits her parents with helping her navigate childhood stardom. "I got so lucky," the Arrested Development actress said in an April 2023 episode of Salon Talks. “I had genuinely good parents who were super mature. They helped me get my priorities in order. We communicated about everything. The priority was always truly my happiness as a child. It would be like, 'If there’s a field trip to the dinosaur museum and it coincides with this Martin Scorsese movie, too bad. She wants to do the field trip.' It was about me as a human being and what I wanted to do.”
As Whitman got older, she acknowledged that her path wasn't always easy. “This has been a struggle definitely my whole life,” she admitted on a 2018 episode of Off Camera with Sam Jones. “I think especially when I was going from being a preteen to a teenager because that’s such a specific time where you go from being one of the only kid actors out there that can do it. And I was just like, ‘I can do everything, and it’s all based on talent and here I go cruising along.’ And then you hit puberty and it becomes more about your looks and there’s a whole bunch of other people flooding in from other places and other states trying to do it. And you’re a little like, 'But I don’t understand.'" With all the “noise” in the industry, Whitman noted, it became important for her to focus on her most important role: Being true to herself. “You just have to focus on being your best self and knowing who you are and being honest in your own thing and that’s really when it comes,” she continued. “If you can sort of be gentle on yourself when somebody doesn’t get it and get who you are and be like, ‘All right, well peace. Good luck,’” she later added on the show. “I feel lucky that I at least have enough of a perspective."
The DUFF: Embracing Authenticity
In The DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend), Whitman played Bianca Piper, a high school student navigating social hierarchies and self-acceptance. Whitman connected with the role on a personal level, drawing from her own experiences with bullying and feeling like an outcast in high school. "I was bullied in high school, I was made fun of all the time, and I've always been an outcast," Whitman told BuzzFeed News. "It's such a confusing time. There's this weird social hierarchy, and I think everyone is just trying to find some solid ground. Unfortunately, the easy way is to, often, make someone feel smaller so you can feel bigger. And once you realize that comes from a place of fear and insecurity, you can't do anything but feel bad for them and hope they're able to understand that they can be better-that they don't have to be that way."
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Whitman appreciated that The DUFF challenged typical teen comedy tropes. "I am not two-dimensional. Life is not cut and dry. People are complex and layered and you miss out on so much by trying to keep them boxed in," the actor said. She collaborated with director Ari Sandel to ensure the characters felt authentic and relatable. Sandel encouraged Whitman to improvise and incorporate her own style and sensibilities into the character. "He was like, 'We're very into your vibe. We want you to come through. We don't want you to be a prop. We want this to feel natural and real,' and I think that's a really important thing," she recalled. "I wore a lot of my own clothes in the movie because I wanted Bianca not to feel like any kind of stereotype," said Whitman, comfortably sitting in a maroon pantsuit. "I wanted it to communicate, truly, from my heart. A big piece of my journey are the clothes I wear-I wear '90s button-up jeans, I wear overalls, I wear stuff that doesn't necessarily fit in. So I really wanted those things to come across."
Ultimately, Whitman hopes that The DUFF encourages viewers to embrace self-love and authenticity. "A lot of my friends feel that they're not good enough or they don't fit in. Once you see that from the people who are perfection in your eyes, you think, Oh, that must be me too. Everybody's got something they feel insecure about, but all you can do is be the best version of yourself." And, at the end of the day, that's the piece of wisdom Whitman hopes people walk away from The DUFF with: learning to love the person you already are, a sentiment Whitman intends to impart with every project she's involved with moving forward. "A while ago, I started to realize that I have the chance to really connect with people through [acting]," she said. "The more that people start to tune in to your communication, the more it's important for you to believe in what you're communicating. You want to make sure that you're putting the right thing out there."
Battling Endometriosis
Whitman has also been open about her battle with endometriosis, a condition where uterine tissue grows outside the uterus, causing severe pain and other symptoms. She spoke to People magazine about her experience, noting that the pain began when she was around seven years old. She recalled filming a scene on One Fine Day in 1996 that required a great deal of running. Whitman got so sick that she couldn’t do it. She was left scared and alone, thinking she was staring down a life of pain. For years, doctors dismissed her pain as "period related." Mae reached out to her friend Lena Dunham and was finally able to start managing her symptoms. “I tried birth control and all the things that they said and my cramps were not normal,” says Whitman. “I went to so many doctors over the years. And I would just say, ‘What is it?’ First they would say period pain is normal. “I remember I kept going, and I just would leave these appointments just crying hysterically in my car, because I felt so gaslit,” she adds. “I had a particularly bad time where I ended up having to go to the emergency room,” Whitman recalls. “I thought I was dying, and I have a really, really high tolerance for pain. I couldn’t do a job on The Handmaid’s Tale because I was so sick. I had to give up a guest role, which I really wanted to do. I’d be laying half in and out of the shower, and an hour late for my call time, and barfing. “I still didn’t know what it was or how to treat it, so finally, I reached out to Lena Dunham, because I knew that she’d had issues with this as well,” she adds. “And she recommended me to Dr. Iris Orbuch and I remember the first thing they do, is they hand you a big book of all of these testimonials and letters that these people wrote. And I just immediately burst into tears, just reading the letters, because it was the first time I’d ever felt like someone said, ‘This is what I have. I don’t give Lena credit for much, but I do think she is an important advocate for endometriosis health, and I appreciate her not backing down even when people accused of using her condition for sympathy. Dr. Orbauch is based in Los Angles and New York City but hopefully endometriosis clinics are appearing in major cities and beyond. I felt it when Mae said the first thing they did was hand her a huge book of testimonials. It cannot be overstated how important it is to let people know they are not alone. I’m curious to know which role in Handmaids Tale Mae had to pass on. She’s good in all her roles. The whole point of her role in Arrested Development (her?) was that she was entirely forgettable and by embodying that, Mae became absolutely unforgettable. She perfectly blends into her cast dynamic. I have a whole new appreciation for her talent on screen after learning this. I’m glad Mae is feeling better. I wish her and anyone else battling this beast much luck. Hopefully the medical community will catch up with women’s health so we can all - equally - live more comfortable lives in the near future.
For 23 years, Whitman suffered from severe, unexplained pain. Last year Whitman was diagnosed with endometriosis, a disorder in which tissue similar to what lines the uterus grows outside the uterus. There is no cure for endometriosis-which affects as many as 1 in 10 women and can be difficult to diagnose-but Whitman recently underwent laparoscopic surgery, which has helped reduce the severity of her symptoms. She also manages the disorder with a holistic health plan.
Whitman described the pain of endometriosis to Glamour: "Sometimes, when I’m sitting there doubled over on the bathroom floor, I try to conjure an image of what the pain feels like. So far, I’ve come up with: being shot with a cannonball in the stomach, people dragging bread knives down the fronts of your ovaries like nails on a chalkboard, and having an elephant decide to take a power nap on your upper thighs. In all seriousness, it’s hard to compare because it’s such a specific kind of pain. It’s sort of like tooth pain, when it seems to go straight to your brain and pervade your entire body and make you totally miserable."
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It took about 15 years of searching for a proper diagnosis. One of the most difficult factors of this somehow isn't the gunshot-wound pain. It's the psychological pain that you experience. It's also the unknowing that really adds to the psychological damage. I think anytime someone is in chronic pain for so long, it's almost like there are phantoms living in there. These ghosts of where even when you don't feel the pain, you remember it in your body and then you still kind of feel it. And again, this is all stuff that, without knowledge of what the science is behind it, I was just like, “Am I making this stuff up? Am I crazy? Am I even having the pain? Am I not having it? Is it real? Where is it stemming from?” A big part of endometriosis is it's really isolating, and it really can make you feel like no one understands. Even your best friends, even your family, nobody understands that it could be so serious. And I think people think you're being dramatic-that's something I dealt with a lot on sets growing up.
Whitman also discussed the challenges of working while managing her pain. "Hard. It's very hard. It's almost like you forget that you do have to then go be on camera. I felt like so much of my experience was about trying to manage and push down my own pain, push down on my own experience and be like, “I'll deal with this later.”
Fortunately, on the television show I'm on now, Good Girls, we have a lot of the same crew that I worked with on Parenthood, so they've known me for a long time, and the set is just so wonderfully kind and caring. And I think it comes down from the top. Jenna Bans is our showrunner and is just this brilliant woman who is so smart and sharp and focused, but also so sensitive, so aware. I sort of realized, knowledge is power, right? So the more that I know what's going on, even if it's “I don't know what it's going to be,” at least I could communicate that to them. And it took me realizing the severity of what I had and making that okay. It took me going, “Wow, this is a real disorder. It really affects me. It's a huge part of who I am, and if you want to work with me, you have to at least know this about me and try to acknowledge it.” I really started communicating with my line producer Dylan Massin, who came with us from Parenthood to Good Girls. Once I had officially been diagnosed, I felt more confident in saying, “Hey, this is what I have, this is what it is. It is serious, it is real, and it’s going to be a challenge for me to deal with.” It was a very frank and open conversation, and he was so kind and considerate and promised to remain aware. Then, when I went to his office a week or so later, and I saw that he had written a little C in red on certain days of every month and figured out it stood for cycle, so he could try to plan and give me a day off or a light day. That was meaningful.
Endometriosis affects her work in many ways. I literally can't schedule things in advance. Like, it's almost a joke. And even now-I've had surgery and I'm much better-I still can't do it. Because the symptoms that I still have from endometriosis pop up out of nowhere. And even though it's not the horrible pain anymore, it's insane bloating, nausea, extreme fatigue, super-nervous panic attacks. And it makes it impossible because my cycle is all over the place. It's never regular. It’s so frustrating because it makes you appear unreliable. People think you're just flaky. People think you're impossible to get ahold of, that you're not good at your job, you're not professional. I've had to sort of learn how to set up boundaries, which are probably good to have in one's career anyway. Asking for what you need is hard in this world, but I feel that dealing with this disorder has really given me an understanding of how important that is to do that and the courage to do so because I realize how much truer and more authentic of a life I'm living. And I've noticed the people around me have really appreciated it. People like it when you can say what you're capable of doing or not doing, and if they don't like it, then fuck them. Sorry, but come on.
Whitman has had to make career sacrifices because of her endometriosis. One example: I was offered a great role on a very wonderful television show I admire very much, but it was scheduled to shoot right before I got my laparoscopic surgery and right in the middle of when my cycle was supposed to start. My cycles had gotten so bad that I was throwing up and writhing around in pain for days, every single time, before it even started. I knew there was no way I could get on a plane to Canada and try to rush through makeup tests and wardrobe fittings and remember my lines and have enough energy to be the professional I wanted to be. I was so desperately ill and unable to even stand upright. It killed me, but I had to let it go. I knew it wasn’t the right course of action for myself, or for the project.
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Top level, how has endometriosis impacted your career? Sometimes you look back and say, “I wonder if I hadn't had this disorder, would I be further along? Would I have been able to go to that industry party and have that person see me and say, 'Hey, maybe you should be in my movie?' Could I have done more publicity stuff? Worked harder? Could I have gone to more auditions? Could I have powered through even more stuff?” I think it's easy in general to look back and wish or wonder that maybe something was different, but I have to say standing where I am today, I would not have done anything differently. And I think if anything, it showed me how hard I am working and how it is difficult to push through all these things with endometriosis. And I'm almost proud of what I did with this disorder that's been sort of holding me back in a way I didn't even know. I'm amazed that I've been able to continue to work and do the thing that I love to do more than anything in the world.
Whitman's advice to other women struggling with endometriosis is to seek information and support. There are support groups out there-for me, it was really beneficial to even just meet one, two, three people who were dealing with something as extreme as what I was going through. Because it really can be isolating and you can feel really lonely. But the most important thing to know is you're absolutely not alone. Also, really find an endometriosis specialist if you can. For me, having the information said to me face-to-face, it felt already like it cleared up so much of the panic that I was holding on to. And knowing that there is a plan for managing the pain, knowing that there is a surgery that really helps if it's done correctly, knowing there are lifestyle choices that can really assist you in managing this pain-those things were what really set me free. Even just the knowledge of them. I also highly recommend watching that documentary Endo What? and reading the book Beating Endo: How to Reclaim Your Life From Endometriosis by Dr. Orbuch and and Amy Stein, DPT.
Whitman believes that you can still pursue your dreams with endometriosis. Hell, yeah, absolutely. I think you can pursue your dreams even more with endometriosis. I think it can make you an unbelievably strong person.
Motherhood and Navigating Privacy
While millions of viewers watched Mae Whitman on Parenthood, she’s keeping her personal journey of being a mom much more private. But a few months ago, fans learned a bit more about the man joining the actress in the trenches of parenting 9-month-old son Miles: Carlos Valdes. And it looks like he already has her mom's approval. Basically. "Carlos, her baby daddy, is on Broadway in Hadestown, which I feel happy to plug because he’s fantastic in it. Carlos Valdes," Whitman's onscreen mom Lauren Graham revealed on the March 10 episode of fellow Parenthood alum Dax Shepard’s podcast Armchair Expert. "He’s lovely. He’s really great." And it appears the family of three is figuring out the whole parenthood thing just fine. "They’re in New York for the next while, and then she got this job in Ireland," the Gilmore Girls star continued. "So, she’s in Ireland with the baby." Whitman-who starred alongside Valdes on the 2023 Hulu series Up Here-first announced she’d entered motherhood last summer. "Not to be a Bieber about it but I too just gave birth to our son, Miles," she wrote on Instagram Aug. 28, giving a nod to how Justin Bieber and Hailey Bieber had recently welcomed baby boy Jack Blues. "We are infinitely grateful he chose us as his parents," the new mom continued before giving a shout-out to her doctor, doula, everyone on her care team "for guiding our little family through all the unexpected twists and turns safely and with love and grace and to everyone in our circle who has shown us such radical generosity and support. We love you! “Not to make a Parenthood episode out of it or anything but!!! Mother’s Day looking a little different this year!” the Tinker Bell celeb wrote on Instagram in May 2024 alongside a photo of her debuting her baby bump and posing with her pals and castmates-proceeding to share throwbacks of when her character Amber was pregnant on the series. “Can’t wait to meet you, huge baby kicking my insides to filth!”
And as Whitman waited to meet her new family member, she kept much of her pregnancy private-posting only an “8-month update” at the end of June in which she wrote she was “huge and achy but happy” and offering a peek inside her Laguna Beach babymoon. Granted, the One Fine Day star has been keeping much of her personal life off the ‘gram as of late. In fact, it wasn’t until February 2025 that she shared her first photo of Miles on Instagram, which she later deleted.
Whitman’s posts weren’t always such a rarity. Looking back on the early days of social media, Whitman remembered thinking, it felt like “the Wild West and not in a fun way.” “I feel that this could become not healthy mentally,” The DUFF alum continued, “and I don’t want it to become a facet of my career where others can control it or can make it into a tool that is something that I don’t have control of. Because it’s supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be a genuine expression. I feel like, obviously, it does become a part of your career, apparently. Because as Whitman sees it, if she starts doing what others tell her to do with her channel, “then it’s all gonna come crashing down.” “The one thing I cling to is that I’m like, 'Look, this is what it is. If you don’t like it, you can move on. This is what I have to offer,'” she added.