In a world saturated with wellness trends, finding genuine paths to well-being can feel like navigating a minefield of fleeting fads and unattainable ideals. Comedians Jacqueline Novak and Kate Berlant, hosts of the podcast "Poog," offer a refreshing perspective, suggesting that the most profound wellness journey may not involve expensive serums or rigorous routines, but rather the cultivation of authentic friendships and the acceptance of one's own imperfections.
The Genesis of a Unique Bond
Jacqueline Novak and Kate Berlant's friendship began in the challenging world of stand-up comedy. They found each other across a crowded bar and bonded over the shared experience of navigating the comedy circuit. Comedy festivals and shared hotel rooms became the backdrop for their camaraderie, filled with late-night conversations and mutual support. The foundation of their friendship was built on a recognition of shared qualities and the "brothers-in-arms bonding" that comes from facing similar challenges.
The Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic and the Power of Acceptance
Novak describes the dynamic of their friendship as "anxious-avoidant," with Berlant often initiating plans and Novak sometimes resisting. However, this dynamic has evolved over time, particularly through their work on "Poog." Berlant knows that Novak loves her and will be there for her. They have a shared understanding of each other's limits and encourage each other not to resist them. Novak tries to communicate to people that if it's an emotional emergency, tell me, and then I'll be on instantly. I'll drop everything.
"Poog": Broadcasting from the Room of Friendship
The podcast "Poog" serves as a platform for Novak and Berlant to explore their shared interests in wellness, beauty, and critical theory. It's a space where they can discuss existential crises while remaining grounded in the uncomplicated realities of everyday life. "Poog" allows them to talk about existential crises, while being anchored in the uncomplicated and unintellectual reality of serum. The podcast's appeal lies in its ability to blend intellectual discussions with lighthearted humor, creating a space where listeners feel permission to embrace both the allure and the absurdity of the wellness world.
The Wildflower Garden of Friendship
Novak emphasizes the importance of individuality in friendships, comparing them to a "wildflower garden" rather than a "hotel landscape." She believes that friendships should be allowed to evolve naturally, free from rigid expectations or societal pressures. A romantic relationship, a spouse, comes with fucking thousands of years of associations and expectations cooked into our collective memory. Friendships should look like whatever they naturally look like. It's the wildflower garden instead of the hotel landscape. Novak and Berlant see their intimate friendships as valuable as their romantic relationships.
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The Comfort of Enduring Friendship
Berlant expresses comfort in the idea of growing old alongside Novak, envisioning them as elderly women in twin beds. There's something really comforting about when you feel like you're in a friendship that will endure. It's exciting in a way you don't get with romantic attachment. The prospect of a long-lasting friendship offers a unique sense of security and companionship, one that doesn't require the sacrifices often associated with romantic partnerships.
Challenging Conventional Wisdom on Friendship
Novak and Berlant challenge the notion that friendships require constant maintenance or that they should be forced to continue if they no longer feel fulfilling. Novak never trusts wisdom that involves specific numbers. They advocate for a more relaxed approach, prioritizing genuine connection and mutual enjoyment over obligation. I just want to feel a sense of relaxation. They acknowledge that relationships require maintenance, and sometimes you disengage and come back together.
The Importance of Relaxation and Imperfection
Novak and Berlant value the ability to be relaxed and imperfect in their friendships. To not have to hide, to be imperfect, to be comfortable laying out your thoughts and feelings, live, as they're unfolding. They believe that true friendship allows for vulnerability and authenticity, creating a space where individuals can be themselves without fear of judgment.
Friendship as the Most Important Thing
Berlant declares that friendship is the most important thing in their lives. Friendship is the most important thing in our lives by far, I would argue. Their bond provides them with support, understanding, and a sense of belonging.
Embracing the Contradictions of Wellness
Novak and Berlant acknowledge the contradictory feelings that often accompany the pursuit of wellness. On "Poog," the hags own up to their contradictory feelings toward cauliflower crusts and gua sha. They embrace the fact that they can simultaneously love and loathe certain wellness trends, recognizing the cultural forces that drive these desires.
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The Freedom of Unfussy Restaurants and Simple Pleasures
Novak and Berlant endorse unfussy restaurants and old Hollywood classics. She explains, “It’s such an argument for being behind on culture. Make sure you’re behind on culture, and that way you can enjoy your life.” For a chronic overthinker, skipping the noise of the restaurant scene provides relief. They find joy in simple pleasures, like enjoying a meal without fanfare or breaking the perceived rules of food in private.
The Power of Food and Dining as Ritual
Novak sees restaurants as interactive theater, where food, fellow patrons, and presentation all contribute to the experience. Novak describes a sense of ease, saying, “It’s almost like the brain is static electricity-you can kind of dampen it [with] food, dining, and a little bit of ritual.” She finds that the act of dining provides a way to be present with others, offering an escape from the anxieties of everyday life.
The Defiant Ritual of Snacking
Novak describes a defiant ritual she employs in moments of anxiety: “There’s something for me about grumpily, poutily grabbing a stack of, like, low-carb tortillas and maybe a piece of cheese crudely grabbed from the plastic. Novak prefers to strip her snacks of all fanfare.
The Path to Mental Well-being
Novak shares her personal experiences with depression and offers insights into how to navigate the challenges it presents. She emphasizes the importance of reconnecting with one's body through simple acts like breathing and self-care.
The Warrior Within
Novak encourages readers to find their inner warrior, even in the face of adversity. You can even become a warrior, a perfect human specimen, without moving. Forget running, forget lifting weights, forget moving at all, except from bathroom to bedroom. It’s all mental. She shares her own experiences with physical discomfort and how she learned to embrace them as a sign of her strength.
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