Ashley Gold's story is a powerful testament to resilience, self-discovery, and the long journey toward overcoming body image issues and disordered eating. From the basketball court to battling anorexia and depression, Ashley’s path is marked by challenges, self-awareness, and a commitment to recovery.
From the Court to the Sidelines: An Identity Crisis
Ashley's identity was deeply intertwined with basketball from the age of 10. She dedicated herself to the sport, playing year-round and pushing her physical limits. Basketball shaped her self-perception, her understanding of her body, and her drive. However, a torn ACL during her junior year of high school brought her world to a standstill.
The injury forced her to confront feelings of loss, confusion, and emptiness. Without basketball, Ashley felt like she didn’t know who she was or what her life meant. This, combined with pre-existing body image issues, led to disordered thoughts surrounding exercise and food. She feared gaining weight while unable to maintain her previous workout intensity. While these thoughts subsided during knee rehab, they resurfaced with greater intensity after her senior season.
The Onset of Disordered Eating
The end of her basketball career triggered anxiety about her future. Questions about how she would eat and exercise without the structure of the sport consumed her. The uncertainty surrounding college plans, exacerbated by the developing COVID pandemic, led to depression and an eating disorder. Ashley felt that with the extra time afforded by online high school, she could transform her body into something she could finally be happy with.
In hindsight, Ashley recognizes that she used anorexia as a coping mechanism to deal with identity confusion, anxiety about college, and deeply ingrained diet culture beliefs. The severity of her situation became clear when she had to leave Ohio State University after only a month to seek treatment for her disorder. She felt depressed, unhealthy, unhappy, and robbed of her autonomy.
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Seeking Help and Navigating Recovery
With the support of her family, Ashley assembled a team of therapists, psychiatrists, dieticians, and pediatricians to begin her recovery. She acknowledges the immense privilege of having access to such resources and familial support. Even with this support, her time at home was challenging. She felt like she was "falling behind" her peers, confronting years of suppressed emotions, and navigating the complexities of family dynamics while trying to take ownership of her health.
After the first semester, Ashley returned to school for the spring semester while also applying to transfer colleges. Feeling that Ohio State was not the right fit, she sought a more supportive environment where she could feel more in tune with herself. She was accepted to Northwestern University for her sophomore year, a turning point that provided much-needed positive reinforcement.
A Renewed Commitment to Recovery
Recent news about the irreversible damage she had inflicted on her body further motivated Ashley to fully commit to recovery. For a long time, she struggled to believe she was "sick enough" to overcome the eating disorder's voice. By focusing on her core values, personal and professional goals, and physical wellbeing, Ashley realized that recovery was essential for achieving the joy she desired in life.
She reflects on the importance of early intervention, wishing someone had warned her about the long-term consequences of her actions. However, she also acknowledges that hitting rock bottom was necessary for her to accept the need for real change.
Lessons Learned and Advice for Others
After almost three years of battling anorexia and depression, Ashley has gained valuable insights. She has learned to separate her disorder from her authentic self, distinguishing between her own beliefs and those imposed by the illness. She practices self-compassion, recognizing the strength required to overcome a prevalent mental illness. She maintains perspective in the face of adversity, reminding herself of the beautiful life that awaits beyond the temporary pain.
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Ashley has also learned to push past her comfort zone and embrace vulnerability in her relationships. She recognizes that she may never be the same person she was before her disorder, but that this transformation doesn't necessarily have to be negative. While she has experienced loss, confusion, and pain, she has also connected with others facing similar challenges, grown closer to her loved ones, and developed a deeper appreciation for her own resilience.
Ashley offers the following advice to those struggling with eating disorders or other mental illnesses:
- Seek help early: You don't need to be hospitalized, underweight, or severely ill to seek help. If eating or body image concerns are impacting your life, reach out to a professional.
- Recovery is challenging but possible: Recovery may be scary and painful, but it gets easier over time. Each step forward builds strength and weakens the eating disorder's grip.
- Talk about it: Sharing your experiences with others can help de-stigmatize mental illness and encourage more people to seek treatment.
More stories of weight loss and body image
Ashley's story is echoed in the experiences of other individuals in the fitness and wellness community. Elena Machin, a hair stylist and NPC Masters bikini competitor, embodies a spiritual approach to bodybuilding. Chrissy Rodriguez, an IFBB Pro, combines competitive bodybuilding with martial arts, equestrian pursuits, and a faith-based mindset. Ayana Pilar, a health and beauty coach, shares her personal struggles with weight loss and integrating spirituality into her fitness program. Emily Chanel, a Navy Veteran and clinical psychologist, balances motherhood, work, and fitness. Kyron Holden, an IFBB Pro and yoga instructor, emphasizes the importance of spirituality in competitive endeavors. These individuals demonstrate the diverse paths to wellness and the importance of addressing both physical and mental health.
The Role of Medication in Weight Loss
Ashley's experience with GLP-1 medications highlights the evolving landscape of weight management. She had previously tried various diets, weight loss programs, and even bariatric surgery, but found lasting success with GLP-1s. These medications, initially developed for diabetes management, have gained attention for their ability to reduce appetite and promote weight loss.
Ashley acknowledges the transformative effect of GLP-1s on her relationship with food. She describes how the medication quieted the "food noise" in her mind, allowing her to focus on other aspects of her life. She also emphasizes that GLP-1s are not a magic bullet and that lifestyle changes, such as a balanced diet and regular exercise, are still important for long-term success.
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Addressing the Culture of Dieting
Ashley's story also sheds light on the pervasive influence of diet culture and its impact on body image and self-esteem. She recounts her experiences with various diets, each promising quick and easy weight loss. She recognizes that these diets often promote restrictive eating patterns that can lead to binging and feelings of failure.
Ashley advocates for a more balanced and sustainable approach to health, one that focuses on nourishing the body with wholesome foods and engaging in regular physical activity. She also emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and body acceptance, recognizing that true health encompasses both physical and mental wellbeing.